26 September 2012

of course, i'm listening. mostly . . .

my wife, lori, and jen ferguson from finding heaven recently asked me to be a part of a series on encouraging those close to us, mainly our spouses. below, you'll find the beginning of my post for close enough to forget.  

of course, i'm listening. mostly...

on a day-to-day basis, i try to interact with my wife in a way that is informed by empathy. i want my actions toward her, and interactions with her, to be grounded in an ongoing desire to understand not only where she's coming from but why and how i can relate to her in a way which allows her to feel safe, loved, and above all, heard. 

heard. and therein lies the rub.

because frankly, i've gotten lazy. one of the bittersweet realities of life together is all at the same time we should seek to develop, and subsequently enjoy, the comfort that comes from knowing and being known on the deepest level. we should also be ever-vigilant against the tendency to become too comfortable. honest discussion, absence of pretense, freedom of expression: these are all hallmarks of comfort, even safety, if you will. on the other hand, presumption, assumption, dismissal, and ignorance are the hallmarks of a relationship wherein one or both parties has become too comfortable. in fact, when this happens, it's not about comfort at all; its' about valuation. that's not true. if I'm honest, i would admit it's not about valuation at all; its' about devaluation. 

(Click here to continue reading . . .)

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