frankly, i'm still working on it.
this morning, though, i came across a prayer i wrote at the time of the troy davis execution, and while it doesn't necessarily answer the questions with which i'm currently wrestling, i think it at least reminds me that the center of my sanity resides not in the sum total of my opinions, or in my ability to disseminate them, but in the immutable reality that Someone entirely outside of myself is in control. though God deigns for us to speak in his name and give voice and action to his love, this is not to say that God (ultimately) needs us, or that he feels the same sort of confused disquiet i do when one of his kids gets their crazy on.
as i work through everything, then, this is my prayer...
teach us afresh what mercy is,
how it smells,
what it looks and feels like.
we so easily forget who we were,
where we’ve been,
what we’ve done.
while we celebrate the forgiveness you’ve lavished upon our wicked hearts,
help us to be ever mindful of the evil of which we remain capable.
comfort those who mourn tonight.
mend broken hearts, and break hearts hardened by accomplishment and self sufficiency.
heal our wounds, strengthen our legs, that we may stand;
that we may speak for the mute, defend the defenseless,
and be a hope to those who are lost and alone and afraid.
make us to be people of the cross, father, and not people of the sword.
create in us clean hearts,
and with a new day let us rise to the call of living and loving and serving and dying in your name.
*i don't agree with his thoughts on the twilight stuff, but you're all smart enough to figure that whole business out on your own. which in some way is kind of the point.